i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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