Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
