its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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