it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So apparently I’m into choking now
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