those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
