he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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