i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
