I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
