Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
