I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do vagina's smell?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
