New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
