i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
