she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
