is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
