Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
