I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
