If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
