I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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