We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh god it's open bar.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
