the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
