I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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