I need help removing her.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
