community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The beer is more important than you right now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
