life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
