i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
