So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
