lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
