I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
