i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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