btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
