We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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