In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
two words...techno handjob
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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