if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
