I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
