I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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