Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
