I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
