I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
