My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
