Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
