I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
