Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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