can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
