I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
