just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
