I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Randomize
