So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
