My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
