So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How does one acquire holy water?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
