its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
