He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
