His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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