I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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