I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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